Praymatis story

I havn't blogged in awhile, i'm not sure what to write. When i'm not typing in something i can think of loads of stuff in fact so much so i can,t wait to type it all down, but when i'm in front of this damn formal like posting box, i kinda go abit blank...so here's a story.

One afternoon i was going outside to our backyard through our sliding door. I spot this praymantis just at the frame of the door, and i'm like "Ohhh you cute little thing, as good as you look, you really shouldn't be attempting to enter our living room." So i gently kicked it with my foot so it was on the outside of the doorframe.

The next morning i awake, and sit at lunch with my family, my mum tells us that that very morning she found a whole long trail of ants in our living room, and her first thought was that she thought i had annouyingly left some dirty plate or bowl out in the living room again. So she followed the ants.

And then, she told us that, to the contrary, it was a trail of ants leading to the sliding door to the yard. She opened the sliding door (as it had been bolt locked) and found trapped by the closed door- was a pregnant praymantis, her head was sticking out to the garden outside, and her big pregnant stomach was trapped and semi squashed by the sliding door. While she had been trapped there all night, a long trail of ants had crawled into her tummy and ate all her babies or eggs in her womb. She was trapped, so there was nothing she could do about it.

My first reaction was "Ohh my god!" And i mean ohhh fuck, the poor poor insect. I imagined instantly the pain of insects eating at the inside of your stomach, eating away at all your little babies, and the desperation you must feel because your poor babies were being eaten and there was nothing you could do about it! Ohhh my fucking god indeed! Ahhh...the thought is too cruel on behalf of nature. I felt bad, if only i'd left the gorgeous insect alone, or actually bothered to take it RIGHT out to the yard rather then very lazily kicked it with my stupid food, trying to be heroic and smart.

I mean, do insects have feelings? Surely, they must feel the pain of that? And even if praymantises do kill the male right after mating, surely there is still a bond between the mother and the unborn? Even if they are insects, wouldn't it be just nature to have such a bond? I really dont know, and lazy old me i wont bother to read it up, but i suppose i'll wonder about it and ask around abit. I wish i knew an insect geek, that'd be handy.

So there's the story, i began right away to try to convince myself that it wasn't my fault because it was trying to get in, we couldn't just LET a large praymantis like that into the house, i had to kick it out. It just let itself back in on its own. So i'm not the killer, it was really just nature i guess. But actually, i know i'm responsible. All that is just me being a coward and avoiding responsibility. Murderer i am! Yes that's fucking right!

Anyway, my mum had put the poor thing in a plastic bag and i went and checked it out, hoping it was still alive and that i could maybe save it somehow. But it was so very dead. I didn't give it a burial, just left it there to be thrown in the trash.