Writing letters

Some nights, espeically recently, i just feel like typing something down somewhere. I've recently broken up with a boyfriend, so i suppose instead of my usual exchange of ideas with another person, the only way i can exchange anything is through the net, and even though it's not verbal, at least perhaps one of these days, someone will read it.

I remember when i was travelling last year, i had done most of it alone, and thus spent alot of time alone, and wondering the streets etc. I would have times when i would not really have spoken (at least not properly) to someone for several days, and as humans, i think it is in our nature to express outselves, in any way or form possible. To not be able to express ideas or thoughts is like keeping some strong energy inside of you, at least i feel that way. It's really not healthy i think, because its too much being kept and tossed around inside your head, you can turn a thought around over and over and if it persists, you find yourself getting a little bit lost in your own mind. It's like you would look at other people and somehow they seem more distant, you don't feel quiet natural to just chat with them, and it seems they all have something in common (some kind of normality-the same view of their surroundings) , but you don't have that commonality with them. By then, you've already retreived into yourself quiet alot.

Anyway, i would have days without talking to anyone, and then i would find or visit some beautiful place (as i was travelling, this often happened) and i would have this immense immense desire to share this place with someone. If only i could just pull someone off the street and say "Ohhh, isn't this place gorgeous? Beautiful?" Just one sentence to share my strong feeling, this would be enough for me. However, of course , there was no-one. And i would get lost in myself, i had to appreciate it really quietly, solemnly. So, what i would do, is i would write a letter. I would write a letter to home, to my boyfriend, anyone, and describe this gorgeous place i was at and how i was feeling, and all the thoughts going through my head at this point in time. And a couple of weeks later, when i had accumulated about ten pages, i would send them off, a couple of weeks after that, the receiver would get it.

See, my feelings about this place is being communicated, but only in a month or so's time. I sometimes think about it, that even though whatever i think is not REALLY expressed to anyone until a month's time, it was enough for me. It wasn't so much about wanting to share the place with someone, it was that i almost needed to, to write something down and express something was a small load off your head. You cannot absorb so much and not let it out. So it's kind of funny i guess, what i think and feel, travels to another time and place in the future. I know this as i write, that this 'sharing this gorgeous place' is only shared in a different time and space, but its ok. I could just imagine when my mum receives my letter, she would read it and her heart would reach out to me, and she would only have to imagine it a little bit to be able to visualise the gorgeous place and understand how i so appreciated it, and wanted to tell someone else about it.